perimenopause and packing peanuts

I got my perimenopausal-sanity-saver progesterone cream in the mail.

It was packed in a huge box.

With lots of peanuts.

And the children caught onto that fact, real quick.

I went to the bathroom and lathered my entire body.

And sat there and waited until professional help arrived.

The End.

a day in the life of a perimenopausal woman

Here's what I did today:

(you'll want to stay tuned in to the end.)

I mastered baguettes.

My word.

I had resolved long ago that I would never be able to

make these gems in my home oven.

But I found a recipe/technique that worked 

oh-so-beautifully.

Most definitely worth the 20-or-so hours that it took to come to this delicious end.

Crusty and chewy.

Perfect with soup.

Thank you.

God is soooooo good.

Banana Nut Bread.

Need I say more?

(Packaging this up to sell at our church coffee bar.)

And another new recipe...

Cranberry-Oat-Walnut Bread.

Oh.MY.Gaush.

A lovely yeast bread...sweetened with maple syrup,

and loaded UP with cranberries, freshly rolled oats and walnuts.

Gasp.

Slathered with butter, this IS a winner.

And lastly,

and completely unrelated to all the above...

(or perhaps, completely related to all the above)

I ordered some progesterone cream,

at the urgent suggestion of a fellow-perimenopausal friend.

(Several of YOU have also suggested it...)

Though I would really prefer a valium and martini every 4-6 hours,

this will suffice, I suppose.

Lest I end up with a whole host of other issues.

I will keep you posted on the results as time goes on.

God help us all.

Over and out.

offensively blunt advice column

(Source)

Well,
Polly Perimenopause reared her ugly head again last night
and I didn't get to sleep until 4:00 this morning.

DANG YOU, POLLY!!!!


I'm not kidding you when I say that I flopped around in
bed like a fish out of water trying for hours to get to sleep.
Then I got up about 17 times to read/watch TV/knit/mop/calk the tubs.

Ok, those last three things aren't true.


So in my reading,
I came across one of those sections in all magazines
where people write in to ask questions.

May I just pause to ask you,
who in the world would write into a magazine for advice?

Have you no friends?
Have you no mother?
Have you no shame at all?

Well, I decided that I would answer the questions right here,
for you all to enjoy.

Sit back, let's tackle this together.

Oh and I should say in advance that I do feel deeply convicted
that I should instead be sharing with you some very
spiritual insights that the Lord revealed to me in the wee hours.
But, I got nothin'.

So, here we go with my other idea:

Question #1:
"My husband thinks Valentine's Day is a fake holiday, and it hurts my feelings that he doesn't get me a card or make dinner plans. How can I convince him to celebrate?"

Lori's Advice:
"Okay, seriously? Get over yourself, girlfriend. Valentine's Day IS a made up holiday. Put on your big girl panties and quit your whining. Buy yourself your own dang card." Gentlemen, you're welcome.

Next.

Question #2:
"Is there a polite way to tell the person next to you on a plane that you'd really rather not chat?"

Lori's Advice:
"Yes, say this... "I'd really rather not chat with you."

It's not rocket science.

Moving on.

Question #3:
"My friend feeds our dog from the table when she comes over for dinner. How can I tell her to stop?"
Lori's Advice:
I see a thousand different angles to this, one being...umm, don't have your friend over for dinner...or... maybe, put your dog outside during dinner...or.... I don't know, TELL HER TO STOP.




Alright, that's it for now.
See how easy that was?


Maybe I'll start my own advice column right here.
I'll call it,
"Lori & Polly's Offensively Blunt Advice,
Yours for the Asking."


But I insist on only answering questions after
a sleepless night, when I'm good and bitter.



Ok so, who wants to be first?