Tuesday, October 4, 2011

getting real

I feel I owe you all some transparency.

We are struggling a bit.

I know the pics above would appear otherwise.
These three kiddos really do have a blast together.
Our new boys are both really, really good boys.
They are happy, silly, and well-behaved.

The thing is,
older child adoption is hard.

Some of you have emailed/called me asking for advice in
this area...and I'm sure you were shocked to get
my not-so-cheery response.

Having just celebrated our 2 year anniversary with Macy
being with us,
we realize how far she has come...
but we also realize how very far Eli has to go.

And this may sound selfish (and I suppose it is),
but it also reminds us how much of US it requires.

WE are tired.
And it is hard to see how we have it in us to make this
a success story.

It's just hard.

And if you haven't been through it,
I can't even begin to explain it to you.

Nothing alarming has happened.
Everyone is safe.

It's just...hard.

I do ask that you would pray for us.
We need discernment.
We need direction.
We need a new vision.
We need something to change.

Thank you for letting me share with you.
I hope some of it makes sense.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing .. just last night we looked at a 12 year old , today we pray about adding her to our family .. our girls at home are 10, 11 abd 13 . I know it will be hard , but have only adopted littles .. so I really don't know . Thank you .. we are waiting on the Lord . Judy

Angie said...

I've been wondering about you since you haven't blogged much about your sweet boy. I know what you mean...it's not easy, no matter how silly and sweet they are. It's tough...on both sides. Praying for wisdom, patience, and discernment.

MotherOfTwo said...

I have been praying for your family, Lori. Your littlest is from my daughter's orphanage, so it's quite easy for me to remember you in prayer because of it. I will continue to pray.

Unknown said...

Definitely praying for you priend...the word "hope" just came to my mind, so I trust that in addition to discernment, direction & vision, today you will have a glimmer or even a huge beam :) of HOPE. Trusting you today to the One Who makes all things new. Hug.

Cari said...

Sweet friend, you know me well enough to know that this totally makes sense to me. I get that after two years it's still hard. I personally battle with the "hard" on a daily basis mentally. I think my honest feelings would shock most, but that's why I can't go on my feelings. I HAVE to rely on God's promises. His promise to redeem lives and grow our faith...even if it takes the "hard" to do it. So much easier to write than to live. Praying for you girl!

If you haven't seen the video series called "When Life is Hard" by James MacDonald, then you have to find time to do so. Just six lessons on video. Made a HUGE impact on me and my husband...so encouraging. Life is but 15 minutes in God's time. WE CAN DO THIS!!! Love ya!

Robin said...

Oh honey, big hugs to you. I don't have any experience with adoption, but I do counsel an awful lot of new mothers (in a different life I'm a lactation consultant) and I'll tell you the same thing I tell them - it's HARD to be in the trenches, day in and day out. Really, really hard. All those friends who warned you that it was hard in the beginning? They weren't lying. It IS hard. The good news is that while it can be awfully difficult to see that light at the end of the tunnel while you're in there deep, it WILL come, usually when you're not even looking for it. One day you'll look around and think hey, today wasn't so hard, and come to think of it, neither were the past few days. I think I might live through this after all, heck, I might even get to shower today and eat my food while it's hot! In the meantime, hang in there the best you can, make sure to carve out some me-time when needed, and just do whatever you need to do to keep things minimally functioning until you find your new equilibrium.

Oh, and lean on your (IRL and blog) friends an awful lot. We've got strong shoulders and we're good listeners too.

Holly said...

It makes sense. And as a Mom, it's hard to know what to share, when to share it, how to share it and who you can trust. Your blog is usually lighthearted and comical, but life isn't always funny. Thanks for sharing a tiny bit on such a public forum. God Who has called you is faithful and He will see you through this.

Jen said...

Ran across this post and my heart goes out to you, friend. Coming from being a foster parent for the past eight years, I can TOTALLY relate. Praying His hands of grace wraps around you tight and carries you through this difficult season. May He bring people and guidance and support like never before. May the love of God flood you with His power and supernatural ability to do more than you ever thought capable...only by His strength! Thoughts and prayers for you, my friend! ~ jen

Sherrie said...

Praying for you Lori. Yes, it is HARD sometimes, Ethan was 7.5 when he came home, and two years later, there are still some very hard days, but it has gotten easier. I have a feeling that the older the child, the harder the adjustment, on both sides. You will be in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Lori-I have enjoyed reading your blog for several years. Thank you for your honesty and know that I consider an honor to pray for you and your entire family. You are an inspiration to many. Thank you for that!

P.S. Tell your Grandpa I said "Roll Tide"! I think it was his outfit that helped with that hole in one!

Shelley said...

Living your life Lori!! I GET it! And I'm praying for you!
Love, Shelley

Aaron and Erica said...

I haven't been there, but I've read enough to know that older child adoption is hard and you are not alone in your feelings. I don't comment often, but I wanted to let you know I'll be praying for you and your whole family.


Anonymous said...

I get it, I'm sorry , and I am praying for you. God knows the need and He has your back! Hang in there!

megadog said...

Just wanted to tell you that I think the comments before mine are all inspiring and true. Keep at it. It will be hard, but oh so worth it.

Kathy said...

Dear Lori, I'm praying that God gives you all you need to see you through the hard times!

Blessings, Kathy

Chris said...

Whew! I'm not the only one? Pray for you...pray for me? I only have one older one..should be easier...

Gina said...

Your family will be in my prayers. You were so very encouraging to me when we brought home our ONE 6yo in December and I then thought we had ruined our family. :) It's somewhat laughable now, I was just a wreck. Thankfully, you were right and we are all fine. Praying that your "fine" happens sooner rather than later.

Jody said...

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.

You and K-man and your amazing children are in the midst of a good work. It is hard, life if hard, but press on dear ones.

Matilda Joyce said...

When things get really tough, I remind myself that this is not MY problem, this is GOD'S problem. God called you to adopt Eli, and God will give you ALL what you need to raise that beautiful boy.
God bless, and I will be praying for you!

Joanne Reddell said...

Hey friend, thank you for your transparency and your honesty. You are such an encouragement and an inspiration to me and so many others through your wonderful blog. I consider it an honor to pray for you and I will continue to pray that God provides for your (& K's) every need. Our God is big enough!!

He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine!! Eph 3:20.

I love you, sweet lady! ♥

Connie J said...

Oh, sister-friend, I'm so glad you are allowing others to pray for you! You know that I know (lol) how difficult it is. Many days I wouldn't survive without your texts - and the reminders that this IS NOT our home! We are praying for you.
Love you!!!

Jean said...

I thought I commented earlier but I guess not?? Hmmm, Wonder what else I thought I did!

I am with you AND I want in on that video series from Cari!

Saying prayers for you and your family...

Jennifer said...

Praying for you and your family, sweet friend!!!! Hugs!!!!

Holly said...

Lots of great comments...I just want you to know you can add my prayers to your list. Love you, Friend. <3

paul-and-lori said...

Oh Lori....I know, I know, I know. It is so hard to put to words...both the struggle and any encouragement. Have been there and know so well what you are talking about. Know that this experience is specially designed for you by the hands of our loving Creator and He is using it to fashion you into the person He desires you to be. Praying for you, knowing that there is not an easy solution but rather a difficult and painful working out that was planned for you, to bring our Father glory....and it will. :)

gksmith96 said...

Hey Lori! I'm an awful commentor (I know, probably not even a word!), but I check your blog each day. You were a huge inspiration to me when we were praying about adopting an older child (Kelly- remember I bugged you with all of the ?'s??)Anyhoo, here we are 7 months later and it is SOOOO HARD!! Oh my, how it has made our two younger adoptions feel like breeze! Every night I go to bed mentally and physically exhausted, feeling like I have said or not said, done or not done all of the wrong things. One day I think, what blessing we have in this child, and the next, I think what in the world have we done and then make myself remember that we were obeying God's calling and this is not for me to second guess. When they say He doesn't call us to the easy life, they weren't kidding, huh? Love, Kim

Difference2This1 said...

So "get it" here. It is hard, hard, hard. Three years in and it is harder then ever. Prayers for endurance.

jiaoie said...

you're in my prayers!!!

Janelle said...

Hang in there, try to treasure the good and to roll with the bad. We adopted three special needs brothers, age 2, 5 and 7. I wasn't sure I was going to survive it, and I consider myself tough! It was totally exhausting! After a year things improved for the most part. The oldest boy is now a freshman in college. You WILL get there! It WILL get better! In fact, we adopted again a couple of years later. Only one this time though, lol. It IS easier one at a time, lol.
Hang in there, Lori! In the end it will be so worth it. God bless!

Tesseraemum said...

Aww, Praying for you and the family.
We are just jumping into this and I need to hear this stuff. Would you mind emailing me? Seriously. We have a "native" 11 year old who is a "challenge" Some days I think we should wait until she is older and we can devote our full attention to the needs the new child will have but then I think it might be good for her too. I feel like the Lord is preparing us/me for whatever the new child might bring. My husband is in the mental health/developmental disability field so he has seen and dealt with just about anything you can imagine. (Naked people in trees,Crazy mental hospital stuff..) This also makes him reluctant.... One minute I feel like I have been through so much with Liv that I can at least make it through just about anything and then I think I don't know.
Anyway! Please contact me.. I'm on facebook too. Sheri Whitlock Watson
Thanks Sheri

acceptance with joy said...

oh my!!! I totally get it! Have been in the trenches and understand. Wishing I could say all was honky-dory now, but we have our days!!!

And we have some good times too.

Amy said...

Yes, it is hard, and yes we were and still get tired....emotionally, physically, spiritually. It has been 17 months home for us and things are MUCH better. It takes time and lots of prayer. He will sustain you. But HARD it is!! And you must experience it to know it. Rest in Him when you can. hatcher123@comcast.net if you need to share! Amy

Susan said...

Praying for you and your family. Unfortunately, it makes complete sense here. We are living the hard struggle of adopting older kids. One started out bad and took 20 months to make a big turn around. One started out good and has gone continually down hill. It is a roller coaster, but God is still in control.

LedaP said...

Exhausted here too a lot of the time. Love her to pieces but know we are at our max with children/adoption. I'm definitely timid about giving older advice as well sometimes...it's a lot lot different ...and every child is so different as well. Every child's adjustment is so varied, it's just hard to predict what the reality will be once home. Will be thinking of you as I was one who asked advice of you before bringing home our then-9 year old.

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