Okay, friends...listen up.
For the last almost two weeks I've been slightly/fairly/kinda freaked out, but sorta not.
BECAUSE, my last period never came. Hello? Where are you? What's the delay?
Menopause, is that you? Helllllo?
Or....good heavens, old-lady pregnancy????
I completely knew that I knew that there was just almost no way I
could possibly be pregnant. But stranger things have happened, and, my fresh-out-of-nursing-school
sister told me that it's been known to happen...so I better make sure.
Well, I still felt certain that I wasn't.
Surely not.
Surely God's sense of humor isn't twisted like that. Right?
I had been to Walmart several times in the last week or so and briefly glanced at the pregnancy tests.
Thinking to myself, I will NOT spend $4 on something I already know.
I will not.
I cannot.
But this morning I had the sniffles and a stuffy head and ran by WM to get some cold medicine.
And then I couldn't help but think to myself, what if there is a little bean-of-a-baby in my belly!
I can't take cold meds!
What kind of monster am I anyway?
My poor little surprise-bundle-of-joy needs to be nurtured!
So I bought a test.
I intended to discuss it with the check-out clerk, you know, because that's how I am.
But the test got all mixed up in all my other stuff that I forgot.
I'm sure she saw it and is still on the edge of her seat wondering!
Anyway, I ran home, and went straight to the bathroom.
And right out of the gate, that sucker screamed NEGATIVE.
NEGATIVE!!!!!
So that means that I probably missed because of stress and/or menopause!
Hooray for stress and/or menopause!!!
Then I immediately texted K-Man.
And then I sat down for a nice healthy non-pregnancy snack!
I won't lie, as relieved as I truly am...I'm kinda disappointed!
A little caboose bio-baby for this crazy-train family would have been fun.
But I'm perfectly content to hold out for grand babies. (In due time.)
Happy Monday, everyone!!
And really, I think I deserve a refund of my $4, dang it.
***UPDATE***
Wouldn't you just know it. Just hours after taking that blasted pregnancy test,
I started my dang period!
Only me, you guys, only me.
And now I REALLY want my $4 back!
***UPDATE***
Wouldn't you just know it. Just hours after taking that blasted pregnancy test,
I started my dang period!
Only me, you guys, only me.
And now I REALLY want my $4 back!
13 comments:
Well, now I'm breathing a sigh of relief ;) Thank you so very much for the Monday crack.me.up!
Oh my gosh! You are hilarious. Even though I've been relieved to see a negative test, I too have been a little bit disappointed. Thanks for the funny post. Have a great Monday!
Aw...I was so wishing for a different result when I saw that picture!! (Although I wouldn't be the one getting up at 2 in the morning every night...) ;)
I'd demand a refund. Not only is it not pregnancy...it's not menopause? That's so upsetting.
Oh, I’m laughing in utter sympathy and understanding!!!!
You are not alone! this has happened to me more times than I can count. The scary part is that I am only 36.
Oh…I was so hoping you were with child! That would have been so much fun!
I hope you get feeling better!
Oh not only you! This is how it works for me too! I have had the passing thought that we need a baby around here. It passed by and kept going. We definately need more short people around here but I think they are going to need to be able to at least fasten their own seatbelt and possibly walk to the bathroom.
Aw...I'm a teensy-tiny bit disappointed with you. But I slapped myself and got over it. :)
Thank you for making me laugh. I needed a good funny today. Walmart takes back anything, just pack it up and send it back. LOL! And welcome to the beginning of menopause....perimenopause....it is such a joy.
Hi Lori, as the daughter (I'm 67) of an older mother who thought she had "gone thru" menopause....what dr's didn't know in 1954...I so admired my mother...somewhat mad at my dad, mom taught full time, had a 13 yr. old, an 9 yr. old and an 8yr old and gave birth in June, 1955 , 2 and half months short of her 47th birthday...we had "old parents when we were in high school" , we felt we were of my parents generation, my youngest brother watched his dad die at 22, just as he began his teaching career, mom died 8 yrs later...I'm so glad my children came in my 20's...mm, Vancouver,wa.
You know they are only $1 at Dollar Tree? I was sorta holding my breath, yikes if it could happen to you, it could happen to ANYONE... My DIL would NOT forgive me.
Haven't been able to read blogs much lately...sorry I missed all your baby excitement.
My mom was totally done by age 47. I'm 46 and cycles are starting to go crazy. DH said (of periods at the 1st and last of a month) "what, you've done that 2x in one month?!" Yeh, like I could control it!
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