Thursday, January 19, 2012

advice column, continued

First of all, I had a BEAUTIFUL night's sleep last night.
Oh, thank you, Lord!!

I am daisy-fresh and feelin' fine.


Your comments yesterday cracked me up.

And two brave ladies even put their questions out there for
my newly-formed advice column.

This sort of thing just feeds my soul.

Just ask anyone around me.
It is my joy to tell others what to do, how to think, and well,
whatever else I can think of to tell them.

Some people call that controlling.
I choose to call it,
Lori's Life-Tutoring Service.
World, you're welcome.


So here we go!


Dear Lori, I have a blog that I started so I could share what is going on at our house with family and friends. Most of the time I feel like I am just keeping a journal. How do I get people to leave comments so I know I am not just talking to myself!!! Signed, Is anyone out there?


Dear Is Anyone Out There,
If you're waiting for real life family and friends to comment,
forget it.
They are Creepers.
A Creeper is someone who goes online, searches you out,
reads all about you, examines your pictures.
But leaves no footprint that they've been there.
Creepers, they are.

But, complete strangers are almost always willing to
comment. I love complete strangers.
But you gotta prod them along sometimes.

Try these things:

1. Do a giveaway and require a comment to enter.

2. Do some sort of cooking post with lots of pictures...
you know, the kind with step-by-step photos.
As if anyone needs a pictorial on how to measure a cup of sugar.
But the people love that sort of thing.
And be sure to make a mistake in your cooking,
the people love to correct you when you're wrong.
That's a sure-fire way to get comments.


3. Write something really out-there...
people can't seem to stay silent when something is extrmeley funny,
or extremely controversial.
Especially the latter.

Well, those are a few of my tips.
Oh and I have also found that the more comments YOU leave
on others' blogs, the more likely someone is to
go read your blog.
Leave your footprint!

Love,
Lori and Polly


*************

Lori & Polly, I had a stick of lip balm I really loved. One day when my husband had chapped lips & I gave it to him to use. Apparently he loved it, too. He "borrowed" it for days & then left it in his pocket, and it went through the wash. I loved that balm & now it is gone. What should I do? Sincerely, dry lips


Dear Dry Lips,
I ask you with all kindness,
did you own the very last stick of this beloved lip balm
that existed on earth?
Can you not go...perhaps...BUY MORE?
Save your marriage from a bitter and dry-lipped argument
and run up to the Walmarts (or whatever fancy store you bought it)
and get yourself another one.
And get one for your hubby.
Write your names on them.
Don't share them.
And don't wash them.
Ever.

Love,
Lori and Polly








*To submit YOUR question,
leave it in the comment section.
I will answer in a post next week.
You've created a monster here, you know.


20 comments:

Jennifer said...

hahahahahaha! :)

Faye Verquer said...

Lori and Polly, how on earth do you stay so upbeat and silly?!! I LOVE reading your blogs just for this very reason!! Keep it going!

Desiree' said...

So funny!!

Nancy said...

Dear Lori,

Last night on the TV show The Middle, it was mentioned the neighbor boys would put their butt cheek prints on the windshield of a brand new car if you left it sitting in the driveway rather than put it in the garage.

I'm pretty sure the writers got the idea from your blog.

Have you considered having your boys patent their butt cheeks?

It would be a bum deal if they didn't get some type of royalties from it.

Nancy

Rachel said...

Dear Lori,
Should I be offended that my teenage girls never ask to borrow my clothes?
Sincerely,
Insecure in SC

Bethany said...

So, SO funny. And extremely brilliant! You may never need to search for blog fodder again.

P.S. I came over from Tiffany's blog.

Brittne said...

Dear Lori,

Where does the weight go when you lose it? :D

Sincerely,

Brittne

Anonymous said...

LOL!! Ok, I have a question for Polly/Lori. Dear Polly, My 3 teenage sons have morphed into children I do not recognize, understand, or claim. How in the world is a poor mother to survive this stage of parenting without completely loosing her mind?

LOL! I'm sure you'll have fun with that one. And I am completely serious about the question! Geez, i feel better just having vented by ASKING the question! lol

The Gang's Momma! said...

Girl you are on a ROLL! Your last like 8 posts were hilarious. How do you do that?! :) I'm only that funny when I am seriously over-caffeinated. Or ridiculously under-caffeinated. Or totally sleep deprived. You can't possibly be one of these three, or even all of these three, all the time, can you?! :P

Oh, and I beg to differ, respectfully and a little fearfully?, about the Valentine's Day advice. It IS a real holiday. Full of love and hugs and kisses and cupids and all that stuff. Have you not read my blog post from last year declaring such?!

And I might add, I am feeling might free and easy to speak such correction to you because I am far, far away. And NOT a creeper. Rather, a stranger. A strange stranger at that.

Heh. :)

Madeleine said...

Here is one, right up your alley, actually:

I went to get my hair streaked. I have a little bit of gray hair growing just in the frontish of my head, like a crown.

SO instead of starting to go with plan old dark brown like the rest of my head, I decided to go to my hair dresser and get it streaked gray.

Because I am a grandmother, and totally cool.

A great combination if I may so myself.

The issue? It turned out blonde. duh.

Tina said after doing hair for almost 30 years, she has never had anyone ask her to help her go even more gray. Now mind you, when I made my appointment, i told her exactly what i wanted, and she said she could do it.

Can I go to another hair dresser to see if she can do the gray? Because quite frankly, though I love the streak, I REALLY WANT IT GRAY!!! Will it be too insulting? Can I get gray hair on purpose? Is it even possible? Other then being blonde instead of gray, I have been very pleased with my said hairdresser for years.

Just leave it blonde?

So, there you go. Have at it.

ourchinagirls said...

Dear Lori & Polly,

Thanks so much for your advice. I have already implimented one of your suggestions. If that doesn't work...I have more up my sleeve!

Signed,
tap, tap on the computer glass..is anyone there?

Mia said...

hello Lori,
i love reading your blog...it is funny...it just made my snowday...school has been closed for two days...now am getting sick....but reading your blog keeps me going...

Anonymous said...

Dear Lori and Polly,
What are the greatest ways to get people to leave comments on your blog? Many people look at my blog, but don't leave comments!

Thank you for your help;
Hello Commenters

Jean said...

A monster yes BUT a very funny monster!!

God doesn't talk to you at night??

Oh. I'm. so. so. sorry...

We had a nice long chat last night!

;-)

I know- I'm obnoxious and occasionally mean spirited!

And looking forward to your grey vs blonde solution!!

Lynsay said...

who you callin' a creeper?

xoxo

Get your butt back to China ok??

Natalie said...

This is entertaining enough to warrant a comment from me - a stranger. You're hilarious!

Mom/Gramma said...

Dear Lolly (sorry, no time to write out both names so I combined them),

I've been a creeper, but I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have to get my thrills somehow.

I'm ahead of you in the menopause game, so if you want any tried and true advice, feel free to ask. I'll go look it up in my book "What Your Doctor May NOT Tell You About Menopause". The book doesn't help much, but that doesn't mean I can't help you by looking up something that probably won't help. I'd be glad to.

My question for you though, is this: who are you voting for for President?

Signed,
Out-West-Granny

Diane said...

Too Funny!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Mrs. Lori,
First, I must tell you that I just LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!! :) I love it so much that in my high school English class we had to write a paper on if we could meet any living person who would it be and why,well you and your family were the first people that came to my mind, but I didn't want my teacher to think I was a weirdo, so I didn't write about yall haha. I feel like I know all of you,and I know my mom gets so tired of hearing about your blog because I tell her things about it all the time haha. :) anyway haha, my question....my senior year I made some bad choices and got pregnant with the most wonderful precious BLESSING from God! I love my little baby so so much!! :) now I am so much closer to our AWESOME GOD, I now know how important it is to date and marry Godly Christian men!! But here is my problem, good Christian guys aren't really into girls with babies. How do I get past the stereotype of being a teen mom and make them fall in love with me haha!? :)

Hannah said...

Dear Lori and Polly, I've bought way too many books lately and run out of storage space for them. I don't want to get rid of any. What should I do?

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