a relatively silent six months

So far our spring break is really gloomy.
The weather is cool and cloudy.
Which is also the way I've been feeling this week too.

I find myself dreading reading my favorite blogs when
something serious is posted...
I just need a good laugh, not a spiritual challenge.
I've got enough of that going on as it is.
So, please forgive me for my own serious post here today.

This coming Sunday will mark six months since we met
our sweet Macy.
I'm thrilled for the progress we've made, I really am.
Our social worker was amazed by how
well she is doing.
But there is this huge mountain that is in front of us,
or so it seems.

Before we traveled to get Macy I ran many scenarios through my
mind...with a big dose of healthy fear.
I educated myself on all the challenges that could await us.
I had my concerns about certain children of mine who might have a hard time
with adopting an older child.

I prayed over all of it, a lot.

None of what I expected came to fruition.
Thankfully.
But that doesn't mean we are without challenges.

You see,
Macy still remains silent most of the time.
She does speak, just not often at all.
I have to remind myself that a lot of loudness in my house annoys
me to pieces,
so I'm quite thankful that things are relatively quiet
around here.

But still.
It's too quiet.

I hear three kids talking when I should hear four.

I had a a nice chat with one of the social workers at our
adoption agency, along with our own SW, and they both assured me that
we need to be patient and give it more time.

Fine.

Macy also seems completely disinterested in making friends here
and is slowly pulling away from her friends in China
that she used to chat a lot with online.
*All of that concerns me*


I am just really struggling with keeping my feelings stuffed inside
when I just want to tell her what I really feel.
That's what we do in America, we say how we feel (nicely, of course).
But I can't do that.
It could be detrimental to our attachment because it wouldn't
be received the way it was intended, I'm sure.
So, I chat with friends
and most importantly, my dear husband, who is amazingly helpful to me.

I am looking into grief counseling for Macy
at the recommendation of our social worker.
I'm really hoping that will be a good source of help to her
because she has experienced so much loss (and who knows what else) in her life.

I'm not sure why I am telling you all this.
Maybe I just need to vent.
Or maybe someone considering an older child
adoption needs to hear this angle of it.

It is always a risk to put out there what is on your heart.
So I do ask that your "advice" be only as directed from
the Lord.
And your prayers sure would be a tremendous help.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I promise I'll post something fun soon!
Like the fact that Nick has now requested lime green
golf pants.