Tuesday, March 16, 2010

a relatively silent six months

So far our spring break is really gloomy.
The weather is cool and cloudy.
Which is also the way I've been feeling this week too.

I find myself dreading reading my favorite blogs when
something serious is posted...
I just need a good laugh, not a spiritual challenge.
I've got enough of that going on as it is.
So, please forgive me for my own serious post here today.

This coming Sunday will mark six months since we met
our sweet Macy.
I'm thrilled for the progress we've made, I really am.
Our social worker was amazed by how
well she is doing.
But there is this huge mountain that is in front of us,
or so it seems.

Before we traveled to get Macy I ran many scenarios through my
mind...with a big dose of healthy fear.
I educated myself on all the challenges that could await us.
I had my concerns about certain children of mine who might have a hard time
with adopting an older child.

I prayed over all of it, a lot.

None of what I expected came to fruition.
But that doesn't mean we are without challenges.

You see,
Macy still remains silent most of the time.
She does speak, just not often at all.
I have to remind myself that a lot of loudness in my house annoys
me to pieces,
so I'm quite thankful that things are relatively quiet
around here.

But still.
It's too quiet.

I hear three kids talking when I should hear four.

I had a a nice chat with one of the social workers at our
adoption agency, along with our own SW, and they both assured me that
we need to be patient and give it more time.


Macy also seems completely disinterested in making friends here
and is slowly pulling away from her friends in China
that she used to chat a lot with online.
*All of that concerns me*

I am just really struggling with keeping my feelings stuffed inside
when I just want to tell her what I really feel.
That's what we do in America, we say how we feel (nicely, of course).
But I can't do that.
It could be detrimental to our attachment because it wouldn't
be received the way it was intended, I'm sure.
So, I chat with friends
and most importantly, my dear husband, who is amazingly helpful to me.

I am looking into grief counseling for Macy
at the recommendation of our social worker.
I'm really hoping that will be a good source of help to her
because she has experienced so much loss (and who knows what else) in her life.

I'm not sure why I am telling you all this.
Maybe I just need to vent.
Or maybe someone considering an older child
adoption needs to hear this angle of it.

It is always a risk to put out there what is on your heart.
So I do ask that your "advice" be only as directed from
the Lord.
And your prayers sure would be a tremendous help.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I promise I'll post something fun soon!
Like the fact that Nick has now requested lime green
golf pants.


Nancy said...

Oh, Lori, Your post brought me to tears. (Of course, I was brought to tears at the Backyardigans concert Saturday. And I am post menopausal, so I am not sure what that was all about. TMI?) I will be praying for your sweet family. Can't wait to have the entaining Lori back.

Kim K. said...

I think it's helpful to be honest. I've been wondering how Macy's communication skills were coming together. Please know that I'm thinking about your family. We're celebrating our 2 year adoption anniversary today. Each child has their own special journey to create. Having loving parents who care about them is the most important part of that journey. Hugs!!

Tina said...

Hey Lori,

Thanks for keeping it real. I will keep you in my prayers.


Holly said...

I don't know if you've ever visited my blog so you may know nothing about me, my family or our personal experience with older child adoption. If you don't, that's fine. I know we share some wonderful bloggy friends which is how I found you :)
I have read your blog avidly since I found out you were adopting Macy...truly b/c I needed to believe that not all stories go the way ours did. And yours hasn't..praise the Lord! From your perspective, I can only imagine your heartache. From your oldest daughter's perspective, a totally different heartache. I do think grief counseling is a good idea.
There are so many cultural differences..we Americans do tend to talk a lot more and share more. That makes it tough in a situation like this.
It's okay that everything isn't always funny at your house.
May the Lord continue to give you the wisdom you need to parent all your treasures.
Holly- Purpose Driven Family

trina said...

Lori, thinking and praying for you and Macy today. Time heals broken hearts. Someday, she will be your best friend. :)

Chris said...

No advice, just prayers...but please let us know what you learn...cause I have this image in my mind ....our crazy children talking all the time, the jokes we all laugh at, but you hadda be there to get it...he's gonna be so lost for awhile.


Marie-Claude said...

Hi Lori,

Maybe she was a shy girl even in China but she was always surrounded by girls and friends in China. The change is drastic but she is coping, you homeschool them that is fantastic and I admire that but keep in mind that our kids being homeschooled, do not have the everyday interaction with other kids, not family and that is important also for them. Hang in there and I applaude you for your grief counseling, it helped us a lot.

Marie-Claude from Montreal

Anonymous said...

There will be a day when all of this will be a distant memory. She'll pull through with time. We adopted our daughter at 5 and a half years old. When she was in 2nd grade she was of course struggling with many things because of the language. The teacher told my husband that she was not ever going to get it and basically to go ahead and plan to teach her a trade. TODAY at 16 and in all honors classes she found out that she is ranked THIRD in her class of 386 kids! WOW, thanks God! Hold on my friend! JOY COMES IN THE MORNING! Praying for you all!:)

Lou and Lorna said...

First of all, a big hug to you, and thank you for sharing this. The fact that Macy is disinterested in making friends and pulling away from her old friends are classic symptoms of depression. I think grief counseling is an excellent idea. You may also want to reconsider your decision to homeschool her(just a suggestion), or simply find more activities she can enjoy with peers. God bless.

Adeye said...

Whew, friend. Adoption sure is NOT for the faint of heart, is it? No way! It takes a whole lot of guts and courage to walk this road. I so appreciate your precious heart, and your honesty. I KNOW God is going to work out every little detail on your heart--He's just amazing that way. It's the wait that must be so darn hard. I too would want to see progress NOW!
Know that I am bringing your situation before the feet of Jesus today. He is ABLE, sweet friend.

megadog said...

Thinking about you. Praying for you. Love your little family. If any family can bring happiness and joy to this sweet girl it will be yours. It sounds like you are proactively seeking assistance with these concerns.
No advice. Hang in there! By the way, unrelated, we use the bag you made us (that we won from your drawing) ALL the time! Thanks!

Janet and Kevin said...

Sweet friend - my heart goes out to you all as you wind your way through this maze of adjustment. It's tough - no way around it! Isn't it?!!

Thank you for keeping it real - that's what helps all of us in the midst of the struggles. God is with us all, too, - most of all! Praying for you all.

Love in Christ,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and Elijah

Mandi said...

You can definitely count on prayers from me. I am so glad for people like you who don't sugar coat adoption. I NEED to know everything there is about older child adoption, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am trying to do everything I can to prepare myself for anything and everything.

I am all for the lime green golf pants by the way. Hey, what about a nice, bright orange???

Oh, be sure to check out my Wednesday post, it's a biggie.

quilt-n-mama said...

THanks for sharing my friend, praying for yo and for sweet Macy as well!

Melissa said...

I am praying for your family. Thank you for being so honest.
Melissa in Ky

Holly said...

Sweet friend...Life is not always funny and entertaining. It is totally fine to share your heart. We are happy to hear how you're feeling because then we can pray more specifically for you and Macy. You are a precious lady. I am so glad I have had the privilege of getting to know you, even if it's just in blog world. The I know that God will use this hard time someday. Either Macy will be able to share with another shy or lonely adoptee from another country someday, or you will be able to encourage another parent. In the meantime, let God hold on to you. We'll be praying. Love you!

Cari said...


Thank you for posting with honesty. I'll be praying for Macy and the entire family regarding this specific prayer request. I think many that have commented are in agreement about the grief counseling. I think it's something I would try if I was in your shoes...what size you wear? :)

Sally- That Girl! said...

Venting is good! Having all of us pray for you is even better!!! I can't imagine what is going on in her head, everything she has known for 13 years is completely upside down. To all of us it appears wonderful, but it is still upside down for her! I am sure slowly right side up will slowly happen. I will never forget Bryson crying and grieving for an orphanage that did not meet his needs, but it was all he knew. His new world was upside down too!

This too shall pass!!

Kathy said...

Thanks for sharing.
I will be praying for your sweet Macy
and you. Remember we have a Mighty
God who is a mountain mover no matter
how huge it is.

connie said...

Lori, you know you are on my 'every single day' prayer list. And I think I've shared with you that as annoying as the LOUD is, the silence is even worse. Because we don't know what's at the root of it. Our children don't even know what emotions they are feeling, much less how to express them. I know this is nothing new to you, my friend. I guess I'm just sayin' you're not alone, and we will continue to lift our older children up to the Lord who never changes but changes all things! This would be a great week for that Route 44 Sonic drink, especially with the dreary weather! Love you, Friend!

Talley Images said...

Just a thought but maybe its just her personality. I personally dont like to talk very much - drives my mom crazy as well. Sometimes at work, I go all 8 hours without speaking a word - nothing wrong, I just like silence more most days.

Not saying grief counseling wouldnt benefit Macy, but maybe she just likes the quiet as well.

Angie H. said...

I understand what you are going through even though my girls are not adopted and have not gone through what Macy has. I have twin 13 year old girls one is very quiet very shy and very withdrawn at times. The other is involved in more school activities. Part of what Macy is going through is the teenage years and not knowing how to deal with the "normal" changes a teenage girl goes through and then dealing with being in a new country. Hang in there. You are giving her the best that you can; your unconditional love and time.
Will keep you both in my prayers...

Tony and Rett said...

Your "mama heart" is so good. Sweet Macy is there, soaking it all in. Given time, she will shine. Especially with an encouraging Mama and Daddy like you!

Praying for your tender heart and her sweet spirit.

Love you friend!

P.S. Need a laugh? Read my post from yesterday! YUM!

ronvic7 said...

Our girls are so different, Chloe never shuts UP:) I love it, but sometimes I wish, oh I just wish---could we trade? For a day?
Praying for you friend:)
Min Sibs mom

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