Tuesday, October 6, 2009

adoption excuses dissected...then put aside

As promised,
here is my big blog post that I said was coming.

My heart is still so full from that life-changing
day at the orphanage and from holding
the sweet babies at The Morning Star Family Home.
I hope I can convey what God has put on my heart.
Please don't turn away if you think....
or you know, that adoption isn't something God has
called you to do.
Perhaps you are right.
Hopefully though, you will be more inspired to do what God
has called you to do, whatever that may be.

I had told you to set aside all your excuses not to adopt.
Well, let's not do that quite yet...
let's take a moment to dissect some of those excuses, ok?

You may say:

*Good for you for adopting, but it's not for me.
Are you sure?
Have you REALLY prayed with an open heart...
and listened for God's response?
Please spend some un-rushed, dedicated time communing
with the Lord on this, would you?
Don't be afraid of His answer.

*I would love to adopt, but I can't afford it.
*I don't have the patience.

*I don't think I could love an adopted child like I do my bio kids.

*I don't have time for another child...I'm so busy!
Ok, I clump all of those together because I have one great
answer for all of them:

God's provision.

Let me ask you,

why are we here?

I mean, are we here on earth simply to exist...or survive?
If so,
then God's promise to meet all of our needs would
end at food, water, and shelter...right?
After all, that's all we really need to simply survive.

we aren't here merely to survive.
We are here to fulfill God's purpose in each of
our lives.

So if God has a purpose and a plan for us....
wouldn't fulfilling that purpose
have needs in order for it all to happen?

So, let's think outside the box here and realize that
God meeting our needs INCLUDES giving us
ALL that is required to fulfill His plan for us.
~Money to adopt...
~Plenty of love
~Prioritized lifestyle
~And much, much more

Or maybe your excuse is..

*I'm too old to adopt.
Well, maybe so.
Why not find a young family who needs
help with financing their adoption?
I do know of two couples who are in
their early 60s who are getting
ready to travel to adopt.

*I don't want to start all over with a baby.
Ok, how about an older child?

*I don't want the baggage that comes with an older child.

OK, then how about a baby with "special needs"?

The other excuse you may have (and I don't
say this with any condemnation because it was
very real in my own situation),

*But I'm stricken with fear.

Listen, I'm so with you on this.
But yet, I'm not.

You see,
if we look at it from a Biblical perspective,
we understand that
And perfect love casts out ALL FEAR.
And if we are disciplined believers,
we know to take every thought captive and make
it obedient to Christ...
Who, is love...who, casts out ALL FEAR.
Make sense?

I remember when we first started the process
to adopt Lucy.
At that time, I was NOT steeped in the adoption
community like I am now. I had NO connections
to other families...no clue of all the blogs I
could read for inspiration.
It was basically just K-man, me, and the Lord.
I would OFTEN have thoughts of
things that put fear into my heart that would
leave me full of doubt.
while driving down the road one day,
the Lord told me clearly that he would NOT guide me by fear.
So if fear wasn't coming from Him to show me
that we shouldn't adopt...
then it was most certainly coming from the enemy.
Well now,
that turned things around for me in an instant.
taking those thoughts captive became
a daily (even hourly) practice.
And let me tell you,
it made a HUGE difference.
When I would turn those thoughts over to the Lord,
I would receive warm encouragement and
very real confirmation.
Over and over and over and over and over.

The Lord NEVER ceased to meet my every need
along the way.

Having said all that, I do realize that it's not easy.
We are only a couple weeks into our second adoption,
so I don't say any of this as if our story has
a neat and tidy ending.

In fact, while in Ch*na,
I received an email about a dear friend whose family
had decided to disrupt their older child adoption,
after one year with her.
They are a good Christian family.
They tried hard...really hard.
Sadly, it just didn't work.
Perhaps God used them as a vessel to get this
sweet girl to her true forever family.

My point?
Adoption isn't always pretty.
In fact, at some point(s), it WILL be downright hard,
stressful, messy and mind-boggling.

But by God's grace, we need to press on.

But trust me,
there are so many moments of JOY!

If He has called you,
He will lead you and give you ALL
that is required to make it happen.

So now,
putting all the excuses
behind us, I ask you again:

Has God called you to adopt?

The now empty bed (in a full orphanage)
of a former orphan
(our Shu Li)...


Stefanie said...


quilt-n-mama said...

Oh Lori,
You make me laugh and cry! Your writing is so true and honest and you have written so well about adoption and God's heart! One of our adoptions seemed so difficult at the time but God was so faithful and He continues to be. God loves the widow and the orphan and has called us as believers to love them and care for them... thanks for taking the time to write about it! ShuLi's empty bed is a beautiful sight:) Especially knowing that she now has a bed, in a home of a forever family!

ps- I'll email you about the Bible Study:)

Gretchen said...

Thank you, Lori.

I pray that this post will touch other's hearts and then they will go to God and listen to what He has to say to them.

Dardi said...

Hi, Lori, I've been following your blog for awhile now. This was a great post!! We just found out our day in court is November 4th to adopt our daughter from foster care. We are so excited b/c we have been at this such a LONG time (over 2 years). We have begun to look ahead to "what is God calling us to next". Honestly, the fear & fatigue (not from the children, from the "process"!) tend to set in so I really appreciate your thoughts on this. I need to get back to a place of anticipation! :o)

Be blessed as you continue to bond with Macy!!

Mom Of Many said...

Great post Lori! Beautiful written and oh-so-true! If people only had a clue how short they sell themselves when they think "it's not for me!" Missing out on one of the greatest joys in all the world - adoption!!

And to think that for so many Christians - their ears are deaf to the cry of the orphan - yet they were once-orphaned and God adopted them...how could they not do the same after all God says about HIS love for the orphan?

Great job sweet sister!!

Tony and Rett said...

Excellent, heart-felt post. You have challenged many, I'm sure. And you have challenged me.

Forwarding your blog to my hubby... praying God uses it.

Chris and Sarah said...

Your post was written amazingly well, better than any post I have ever read on this subject I think.


Debby said...

Lori...God has blessed this post & if just one person has a change of heart, you will have been a good & faithful servant to His calling for you.

I'm sure it's in here somewhere, but I'd love to someday read / hear how you found Shu Li.

Shonni said...

That was so beautiful...

Jean said...

Oh Lori
I have goosebumps! That was so good!

Hubby is going to pass out when he hears that 2 couples in their 60's are adopting! He thought we had to be done in a couple years due to our age. I am still hearing the call! Are the couple going to China? Honestly any country works for me!

Thank you for your post! This needs to be published somewhere else so it gets to more people!

Lisa said...

WOW! Very touching and heart felt. Praying that things continue to go well.

Newark, Ohio

Nancy said...

Very well put, Lori. Beautiful.

Janet and Kevin said...


Beautiful and touching post. I needed to hear the Bible verse about perfect love (God's love) casts out ALL fear. I am struggling with that at the moment with the two accidents and lack of finances! That same Bible verse has been coming up in the last week over and over.

I, too, am heartened that someone older than Kevin and me (our ages are 52 and 50)is still pursuing adoption. WOW! Gives us inspiration!

Love in Christ,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and waiting for Eli

Hezra said...

I am in tears. The empty bed. Lori, thank you for breaking this down. I am so stuck in mid adoption struggles. mired in and discouraged, and surrounded by so many who do not understand at all. I have people suggesting we are crazy for what we are attempting. But I know in my heart I am not the only one who hears the cries of orphans. I feel the hammer of God's command in my head and heart. I know what I am doing is good. I just wish they could SEE and feel what I I do. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone.

Holly said...

Amen and AMEN!!!
I have had a "successful" adoption and a "failed" or disrupted adoption and I know the heartache that accompanies even the successful one....BUT...God's purposes are higher than mine and praise HIM....the child that did not stay in our home, stayed in our family and absolutely without a doubt God used us to get her to where she needed to be.
Was it easy?
no way!
Was it worth it?
What God calls us to do, He is also faithful to equip us to do.
Keep speakin' the truth sister!
We are listening!!

Chris said...

Thank you! I too need to hold on to the "perfect love casteth out all fear" also " Our God is able to do exceeding abundantly above
all that we can ask or think!"

(Ephesians 3:20)

I like the part about helping the younger families...

Donita said...

LORI THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! My words exactly!! My first time to post but been following you for a long ...... time. You would think I would have this down now. Three grown kids and adopted our first 15 years ago,then #2 adoption,#3 and 4 adoption,now getting ready to finalize in Nov. on 6 and 7. This will put us at 9 kids. You touched my heart with the part on fear, it coming from the enemey. This has been my struggle this time, we are to old,not enough money,all from the enemey. It is so good to hear it from someone else. I need to be in constant prayer for this. Praying for Macy

Sharla said...

So beautifully said...thank you for sharing your heart... I pray that God will use it to inspire someone to adopt... It is truly an incredible journey!

Adeye said...

woohoooo---I have chills all over. Preach on, sister!!!!

I have a similar thing brewing inside me--just waiting to come out. I need put my thoughts down on paper.

LOVE IT, dear friend.
You are living on the front line--what a blessed place to be.

Anonymous said...

I have seriously been considering it but every site I have looked at (via seeing on various blogs) list the age-in the 50's. Are there certain agencies that will work with those in the mid-late 50's & single?? Pam

The Thomasson's said...

Thank you for being so honest and open with us. While I know you do not do this for any recognition, know that you have impacted so many people with your post. You really have been used by God to open other people eyes.

I know things must be crazy around your house and I really appreciate you taking the time to write a message we all need to hear.

Tina said...


Karin said...

Ohhhh...the empty bed... Wouldn't it be so great if all the beds were empty?!

I hope that God uses this post to encourage many people who are on the fence--or too scared, or whatever.

I love what God put on your heart!! Thank you for sharing!

Karen said...

Great post!

Sherrie said...


I LOVE this post! As you know, I am a huge advocate of adoption, and by the way, you are two behind me so get going girly :-). When people ask me why we would want to bring home four little ones, I would like to ask them why they wouldn't want to! I could go on and on about this, but I'll leave it there :-).

I enjoy keeping up with you and I am SO THRILLED that everything is going quite well, I know there are little bumps in the road, but I have great faith that it's all uphill from here.

The Gang's Momma said...

Here by way of the Harrells. And I'll be back. Again and again.

LOVE this post. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for breaking it down, finances, fear, faith, and all. I love this post.

mom2eliza said...

Lori, I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes and cheeks. This was so beautifully written. I know my own perspective of adoption has evolved since first setting out to adopt Eliza 4 years ago now. It grew, it got stronger, it got humbled, it got love. And yes, all that evolved even more after Ava's adoption, learning the difference between and older child adoption and a young toddler. Wow. I'm proud of you for writing something so moving, so calling and so profound. You're an amazing woman.

Cari Bacon said...

This posts gives me goosebumps! Beautifully written, Lori!!

Kathy said...

Beautifully said and powerful!
Thank you for sharing what the Lord
put on your heart.

So many people thought we were crazy
for adopting our first daughter who was
18 months because of our age and now
we are waiting for TA for our older daughter.
I have been asked why a teenager?
Are you crazy?
I just ask them how old they were when
they were adopted into God's family?

Praying for sweet Macy.

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