Friday, July 22, 2011

hen pecked {literally}

Are you tired of chicken posts?

I'm so sorry.

But this is the highlight of my boring life right now.

Perhaps you could oblige me by reading this to the end,
then you could kindly leave me a comment
with advice regarding my perimenopausal mood swings
and/or how to stop my 4 & 5 year olds from wetting their beds at night.

Wait...what were we talking about?

Chickens, yes...that's it.

Yesterday morning, bright and early, I received a phone call
from the post office saying my new hens
were there ready to be picked up.

Except that I totally forgot that they were coming and wasn't prepared.
Story of my life.

I grabbed everyone who was awake and we headed to town
to get our chickies.

Here they are...

They are all so healthy and strong.
I am pleased as punch
because we ordered from a new hatchery and I was a little

I know you were too.

Isaiah is fascinated with them.
He takes after me in that way.

And Lucy is always fascinated for about 3.5 minutes,
then she's over it.
Like everyone else in the house.

But isn't she cute.

But here's my latest crisis.
Mothering hens.
Very mothering.

When I go to gather eggs, there are always two or three hens who
sit and sit and sit on their eggs
(I know, I know...that's what they're supposed to do.
I did pass high school biology, you know).
But the truth is, some hens just don't care much and move on.
They're so rude in that way.
But these girls,
are...I guess you could say are, stay-at-home very sheltering moms.

And getting their something that I dread.
I told my dear husband and he said,

"Lori, if you're going to be Farmer Jane, you just have to reach
in there and get them. You have to do it."

He even took me down to the hen house and showed me how.

"Just grab loosely around their necks, then reach under them
to get the eggs. That's it."

Don't you just hate it when people grab your neck
when you're in labor?

Yes, so...I still haven't been able to do it.
But I will.
My heart is hardening and I will soon be able to steal
the pre-born chicks from innocent mother hens.

And load up my basket...

And looky looky!
K-man bought me my very own work gloves.
And even had them monogrammed.
(With his Sharpee).

All kinds of romance is in the air.

Have a great weekend.



Marie Gates said...

You always make me laugh!!!

Anonymous said...

Those chicks are SO cute and no I am not tired of chick posts. They are quite interesting! Good luck retrieving your empire today!:)

Candice said...

I've heard that chiropractic treatments can help with bed wetting, and I don't know if I could steal from the hens either :)

mary said...

You are so entertaining that I am not tired of the chick posts. You continually make me laugh!!!!
Regarding the bed wetting, I don't know if you are a night person but it might help to get them up right before you go to bed and have them go. Also, make sure that they go right before they go to bed which I am sure you already do. We had to do this for years with a grandchild (around 12:30-1:00 am). It helped.

Faye Verquer said...

I am always laughing at your posts...THANK YOU!! Because in todays' world I always need a good laugh!

I wouldn't be able to take the eggs! I'd have to allow them to keep them! You new chicks are adorable! How long before they can be put in the Hen house?

Bedwetting, you are a Mom to the pull-ups and get some sleep!!! Thats just something I don't bother with, I do not like to get up in the middle of the night to change sheets...therefore pull ups and a good night sleep!! They will get over it before they leave home!!

Have a GREAT weekend!

Jennifer said...

Yeah Lori, just lightly grab their necks and reach fun with that! ;) You'd hear me squealing every.single.time cause ummm I'm a chicken...;)

Anonymous said...

oh. my. goodness...... you are too funny!!!!!! LOL!! My kids actually wondered what i was laughing at as i sat here laughing out loud at my computer!!!!! Have a great romantic weekend!!!!!! :)

Mark & Kris said...

I'd use pull ups and limit drinking after about 7 pm. They will get it!! Night time dryness is always the hardest. We have 4 hens and have 8 more on order! Two of ours sit forever on their eggs but they do eventually get off and I snatch them then. I am scared to reach under them so just make extra trips down to collect those two eggs! We have an araquana hen who's egg is blue and the brown layers eat it! Makes me so mad and I don't know what to do about that!

Matilda Joyce said...

I can't give you advice on anything, but I do love a good chicken joke. Have they tried to cross the road lately?

Lacy said...

I love the chicken posts. You are too funny! I wish I lived on a mini farm with chickens and milk cows. Well... I think I want to live on a farm. Then I go outside to the bugs and the heat and remember why I'm a suburban girl:)

As far as the bed wetting. I second Pull Ups and a good nights sleep. Do they wet every night? I have one child who wets the bed when she is over tierd. I had a child who wet every night no matter what I did. He out grew it. I still have a child that gets up in middle of the night a sleep walks to where ever he thinks the bathroom is and pee's. Fun times here!

Jean said...

Good- I was gonna tell you you needed GLOVES!! We had some nasty gerbils, a bit of inbreeding and well gloves were necessary!

FYI- we ended up with 3 blind mice (gerbils actually)! BUT my children learned a lot about things, that well... we have a hard time talking about at our house... like the birds and the bees!

enuf said! I'm comin over for an omelet!

Oh and use pull ups- it will solve the problem in no time!!

Stacy said...

You SOOOO totally crack me up.
I love your chicken posts so keep them coming.

Hezra said...

Oh you. lol, I have to say that I have giggled and tried not to wake the kids... First, your chicks are adorable! What breed are they? Production reds? red stars? or Rhode island reds?? or am I WAY off?? Second-- I am glad to know someone else has a fascination with chickens! ME too!! I am addicted. They are calming and sweet and I still await my ladies to lay eggs. Third-- Lucy only NEEDS to like them for 3.5 minutes. That is all it takes her mama to get a cute snapshot of her with chicks. lol fourth(am I on 4?) My Isaiah is the chicken man here too. Such a huge help with feeding/watering and everything. 5th? I am jealous your hubby does romantic things like buy you chicken gloves. With your name on them. *sigh*

Carla said...

Thanks for a much needed laugh!

I vividly remember gathering eggs at my grandma's and never wanting to disturb a nesting hen. Yuck! And now my youngest can't wait until he gets to be 4-H age because he wants to show chickens - not steers or heifers like his brothers. I'm clueless so keep up the chicken tutorials!

Madeleine said...

I am totally rethinking the whole, 'how can I make it possible so that we could have chickens' thing.

Though I have to say, them monogrammed gloves??? Almost makes it retempting.


And if you can tell me how to deal with a 4 year old who wakes up s-c-r-e-a-m-i-n-g at around 3am every.glorious.morning. that would be peachy.

Tesseraemum said...

We won't tire of the chicken stories! You are really making me think I could handle them myself! I mean, I have 3 kids and a dog and 2 fish in the house why not have some chickens and maybe some rabbits out back?!! My problem would be I would have to invite the chickens in when the weather gets this hot or really cold in the winter. Probably wouldn't look good on the home assessment. "children share a room and bathroom with chickens and the occasional goat" hmmm... Sheri

Anonymous said...

I am about as far from Farmer Jane as a person can get - mostly because I'm allergic to just about everything on a farm. But my friend down the road has chickens (on purpose, just like you, which is an amazing thing to someone like me). And we have been chosen to babysit them when they are gone for the weekends, which is often. When she has us steal the eggs from the stay-at-home-hens, she has us take the top from the rubbermaid container that holds the feed and use it to scoot the hen over just enough to get them. Very hands off. (Except that the container is always covered in poop, but at least it won't peck at me.)

PandJ_L said...

Hi Lori,
Stumbled across your blog from the berzenji's blog. The chicks are super cute! Do you know what type of chickens you have yet?? If you are looking for a great resource for chickens and why your hens are "broody" hop over to I am not a farmer (I am acutally quite the city chick) and have no affiliation with this woman but I enjoy her blog and some of her information re: dog training.


Myers Monologue said...

When I was little we had chickens that used to peck us when we gathered them from under her. We used a small board or piece of cardboard to block her head and then reached under. I love your chicken stories since we have them too!!

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