older child adoption

A couple months ago when I took Macy to her doctor's appointment, I was standing at the nurses' station as she got dressed in the little exam room. The nurses all raved about how precious she was. Yes she is.

Then one of them innocently said, "Wow, are you guys just having a blast with her? Is she just LOVIN' it here in America??"

Dumbfounded and speechless, I was.

My compassion for this ignorant woman (I say that with all kindness) kicked in as tears filled my eyes as the reality rang loudly in my heart and mind.

I told her bluntly, "NO. She doesn't love it here at all. She misses China deeply."

The nurse suddenly felt a great deal of understanding come over her, or so it seemed. Bless her heart.

The truth is, yeah, America is super great. We have everything here. Everything. But you know what? Even though Macy (and others like her) CHOOSE to be adopted and move here, they are taken from a place that was their HOME. Bad as it might have been, it was all my sweet girl knew. Her friends and caregivers in the orphanage (she never speaks of her life before the orphanage...yet) were her FAMILY.

The food, the smells, the language, etc., etc...are now half a world away. And though she does enjoy many of the perks her new home has brought to her, she still grieves her loss.

But yet...a family is what she wants and it's what she wants for her friends still in China.

Several times she has come to me and said, "Do you know so and so (insert Chinese name)? He/she asked me on QQ (Chinese Facebook) if they have a family coming for them."

You guys, that question haunts me.

Sometimes my answers to her are, yes...they do have a family! But sometimes the answer is, I don't know....or, like it was last night, NO...not that I know of. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and I think she could see that.

I asked her if most of the older kids want to come to America to be adopted. She said that ALL of them do. Oh my heart. So I then had to explain to her why so many families want babies....and why most people are afraid of adopting older children.

Yeah, that was tough, my friends. Telling this sweet, shy, compliant child why so many people are afraid to adopt a child just like her.

I then explained to her that that's why I post things on my blog about her...so that people won't be so afraid.

Yes, it's true. There are horror stories of adoptions gone bad. Believe me, I've heard them, even had a sweet friend experience it. My heart goes out to those who have tried with all their might...only for their adoption to be much harder than they expected, or worse yet, for it to end in disruption. It's sobering. It's not something to enter into lightly.

But look, I've heard from so many of you through emails asking questions...because you feel that perhaps you are being called to adopt an older child. I can't say that your fears will ever go away as you take the leap of faith...but let those fears lead you to the Lord for courage AND let it lead you to educate (beyond what is required) and prepare yourself for such an adventure.

There are a couple of boys and a brother and sister on the WC list from Macy's orphanage (and MANY more from other places). If you want more info, go to WACAP's website. Email them to get the password....then look at the OLDER kids...say, 9-14 years old.

I dare you.

If you should choose to go forward with an older child...yes, they will go through a tough transition...yes, they will GRIEVE, yes, YOU will grieve. Everyone involved experiences loss...the loss of what once was. Your child might even give you a run for your money and you will question why in the world you chose this road (or rather, why God guided you there) and believe me, your child will question it also.

But it will stretch you like you could never imagine. It's terribly painful sometimes...but it's also pure joy, MOST of the time.

I was chatting with one of Macy's new friends (also from China) on Facebook recently. She's been in America for over a year now. I asked her if she misses China...she said, "I used to but not anymore...I really love America so much!"

It just takes time, a ton of love and PATIENCE.

I am amazed to look at how far Macy has come in four months (yes, it's been FOUR months!). She blooms a little bit more each day.

She is a delight.


**Please appreciate the great amount of courage it took for me to post this picture of ME between two teeny tiny Chinese noses! LOL.


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**Please don't think I'm minimizing the need for adopting babies (especially special needs babies)!! Oh, that's so not my point here. They need families desperately! My point is that I know many of you have a curiosity about older child adoption but you are fearful. Don't let fear guide you. There is too much good in it to miss out.