At-tach-ment, [uh-tach-muhnt], noun
What occurs between parent and child when a repetitive cycle of needs (physical, emotional, spiritual) are met.
Ok, that wasn't Webster, that was me. But I think my definition pretty much sums it up, right?
There. That was easy.
Oh, if only making it happen was as simple as defining it.
I pray constantly that Lord will show me new ways to build attachment with Macy. Little ways. I really love all the little ways I can meet even her smallest needs, over and over and over.
One thing she loves to do every night is take a HOT (listen, I mean really HOT) shower. Who can blame her? From what I understand there was NO hot water to shower in at her orphanage. Not even in the winter. Did you hear me? NO HOT WATER.
Anyway, after her shower every night she crawls into bed, waits for Lucy to go to sleep then turns on her little book light and reads, late into the night. Love it!
Well, one night before heading to bed she got herself a glass of water, drank a little then set it on the counter and headed to the shower. I thought that was odd since I knew she wasn't coming back into the kitchen...but yet she ALWAYS puts her dishes in the dishwasher when she's done.
*Light bulb moment*
It suddenly occurred to me that this poor girl stays up late...and is probably thirsty (and hungry for that matter) some of the time but she NEVER has the courage to come get anything from the kitchen that she may need/WANT once she is in bed. Even though I've told her that this is her house and she's free to do that. And most certainly, living in an orphanage, that wasn't ever an option.
From that night on, while she is taking her shower, I now fix her a glass of ice water (and usually a small snack) that I leave on her nightstand so that when she crawls into bed with her book, she can enjoy what the rest of us take for granted, a simple glass of water. And never again go to bed thirsty. Ever.
Another small need met.
And a little tiny bit of attachment occurs.
24 comments:
Thank you for making me cry at 7 a.m.!
Thank you Jesus for showing Lori little ways to have big impact on her sweet Macy's life.
Beautiful post! Made Kevin even cry!
You see, with all of the turmoil and sorrow recently with my dad's illness and passing, Philip had to have many (loving and caring) different caregivers so I could take care of Dad. We were gone quite a bit from him, and don't you know, his insecurity about being left came right back. We have seen him take many, many steps backwards in feeling secure and a sense of belonging to our family. That is why we have been working so very hard to rebuild his attachment to us.
It's working - praise God. Your post is so right on. It is the "simple" things that make a huge difference like leaving a glass of water and snack on a night stand, or taking family walks in the woods in the snow, or huddling on the sofa just cuddling and talking, or a thousand other small things that are really quite big to our precious children.
Thank you for your words of wisdom today about attachment issues.
Love in Christ,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and waiting for our Eli
Such a beautiful post! I pray that the LORD continues to show you ways to capture the heart of your new daughter so that she never again has to feel alone.
Sometimes its the smallest things that you do that can make the biggest impact. That was a very sweet post.
That is so great and such a good idea! For me, it's ALWAYS the small and thoughtful things that draw my attention; as well as big things, of course.
Example on small thing:
Last night, a friend of mine got me a can of Sprite (when I could've myself) because he knew I was dehydrated
Big thing:
My heart breaks and mom stays up all night in my room to make sure I'm ok.
So true; it's not just the big things that get our attention. I ALWAYS notice every little thing, because they're more important to me.
Keep it up!
When I was a kid and I'd be on the couch reading, drawing, watching TV, whatever, my mom would often bring me an apple cut up in a cup for me to snack on. Today, at almost 40, it remains a symbol of parental love for me.
That is so so precious. I love that God gave you the insight to do that for Macy.
so humbling the things we take for granted...a HOT shower, especially in the winter. Wow.
Praise Jesus that you had that "light bulb" moment. Seriously, I am in tears thinking about that sweet girl. I am so very grateful that she has such a loving momma that wants to meet her every need.
Also, as a new pre-adoptive parent, thank you for teaching me (yet again) some of the conditions and ways of life in a orphanage. It breaks my heart and makes me long for my daughter to come home even more (if that is possible!).
Thanks Lori - you are such an inspiration to me. You bring laughter and encouragement. Even though I don't know you, you are such a gift. I appreciate you.
Oh, one more thing - thanks for helping to open my heart to these older girls. More and more I feel such a burden for them. Not that I didn't before, but it is changing -as in I am praying one day we can bring one home.
Beautiful, friend. What a picture of how our Abba ministers to us in small, very personal ways to show his unconditional love!
What a great post. So awesome that God showed that to you.
How fortunate Macy is to have you for a mother. You are awesome.
Thanks for the insight. God will keep showing you those little ways over and over.
Little things add up...a small drink and snack can make a big impact on a little heart! Praise our Father for the "light bulb moment"
Tears flowing here as we are experiencing those same 'light bulb moments' these days. Thank you, Lori, for sharing this one! How much we take for granted.
I love hearing this and the efforts you are making. Even though Sarah has been home for a year I am still re-evaluating what I can do better- to show my love. Yes, it is easier to do with a younger child but that is a another post- we still have our challenges.
How about a warm towel from the dryer when she gets out of the shower! That sounds comfy!! Ask her if she likes her water cold or room temperature- usually they do not like ice from what I heard- sorry- just trying to help!
You are wonderful! I love your heart!
What a beautiful post Lori. I am crying just thiking of how loved this makes Macy feel.
awe...that's great! brought tears to my eyes. thanks for that tidbit of information that i'll tuck into my brain for use in the near future. :)
Beautiful. If we ever adopt an older child, I am coming to you for some ideas!
Oh wow---I have chills all over, my friend. That is just such a stunning post.
You are such a wonderful mommy. We can all learn from your tender heart.
Fabulous post!
Love and biggest hugs.
'A simple glass of water'...I think there is nothing simple about it...except for 'simply amazing'!
This post really touched my heart...on so many levels!!
You are a wonderful mom and you have an amazing daughter....so brave...so strong...so inspiring!
Keep looking to Him for ways to build those bonds.
Amazing. Thanks for sharing!
You are such an observant mama! I probably would have been too tired and grumbly about the cup being left out on my cupboard. Thanks for reminding me to be always looking!
Thank you for the reminder to rejoice in the small things and be grateful for the steps that we make with our children! Amazing!!
Great post!!! I learn so much from you blog in preparing to bring home an older child soon!! Thank you in so many ways!!! What an awesome Mother you are!
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