Thursday, October 29, 2009

Macy update....and more

I gotta tell ya real quick that Nick was a little miffed
yesterday that Brenden's lard toast
brought him so many laughs from you all....
and he didn't get one single ooohh-aaahhh comment about his
tatooed muscley arm pic.

I told him,
"Nick....don't you think it would be a little creepy
for women MY age to comment on what
a hottie MY teenage son is??"

He still didn't get it at all.

Please don't tell him I told you that...
and PLEASE continue your silence on the muscle matter.


Last night Macy TRIED to teach Lucy a
few Chinese characters.

Bless her heart.

I really need to go fix breakfast for part of my crew
but I thought I would give you an update on how things
are going with Macy.

She is so eager to learn more English.
I bought her a couple of vocabulary workbooks
and she works on them a lot, which is great.
But I'm really trying to get her to talk to us using
SIMPLE English, which I know that she knows.

I typed out a long list of questions and statements for
her to practice and USE.

For example,
"I'm not feeling well."
"I want to go to the Chinese market."
"May I watch TV?"

Things like that.

She seemed to totally understand what
was asking of her,
yet she still remains silent most of the time.
It can be frustrating and it can be interpreted as
a cold shoulder.
But just when I think she's miserable being here,
she will laugh hysterically at the boys
or come help me make dinner....or help with Lucy.
It really shows me that she is trying hard to
find her part in our family.
And everyday she does more and more.

One thing that bugs me (let's just be honest here)
is that she never says, thank you.

Don't get me wrong....
I'm not looking for her to be gushy grateful that
we "rescued" her from China.
In fact,
I'm sure there are times when she feels
as though we ripped her from the home that she
really did love.
I know that she misses her friends and aunts in
the orphanage very much.

I just want common courtesy and she is
very polite in every other way so this kind of baffled me.

As I was praying about it, trying to get the right attitude,
the Lord just spoke to me that I needed to treat
her as I do the other kids.
So yesterday I bought her a little book light to use
at night when she can't turn on the lights.
She seemed thrilled to have it.
I then said to her,
She then giggled, reached out her arms to hug
me and said, "THANK YOU!!"

Yeah, it was as simple as that.

She is such a sweet, sweet girl
and I'm so THANKFUL to call her daughter.

I have more to say but I must
go fry some bacon now.


Desiree' said...

I follow your blog but this is the first time I have commented. (onviously, LOL) We had an exchange student form China, she was 15 and she never said thank you at all. EVER. When we felt comfortable asking her she said it just isn't done in China. (weird huh?) She also said children were not suppossed to be talkative or show emotions. She had some very strong opinions about our girls from China also, especially the one with cleft issues. I would like to think we had changed her mind on some things. Sadly when she went home at the end of the year, she said her parents didn't even hug her or say glad you are home :(
This is just our experience but she did say this was pretty common...

Stacy said...


I have hosted several exchange students from Asia and their manners are different from our. It is rare that they say thank you or express alot of hugging like we do. It is something that you are going to have to teach her just like you did your children. They are very resectful to elders but what we consider everyday manners they do not practice.

The one exchange student we had from China was here 10 months and her father was in the state for a medical convention and when we picked him up at the airport there was not hug or loving moment between them - it is just not their way.

Macy maybe 14 but in some ways she is on the same level as Lucy socially.

It will take time but it will all work out it is all in God plan for Macy.

Leah said...

Oh Lori, I am soaking up every update. I can see how the lack of "thank you" is definately a cultural thing. I have said before "China is soooo completely different than USA" and if you have not traveled there, you would not get that. It is all these litter oddities that make things so different. What we would consider normal affection or appreciation is just not done in China. I know you will be able to teach Macy and she will thrive under your love and attention. And you are right on to take all these things to the Lord who will give you what to do. We are praying.

quilt-n-mama said...

I'm catching up now that we are home, I missed some funny posts:) You always make me laugh! The shortening on toast... YUCK! But, whatever works for the boy!

We are praying for your family and Macy through all the transition, that God will draw you all together and build strong family ties, that she may experience love, laughter and life in a whole new way!

Blessings friend,

Doug said...

It's funny how different our children can be.

Our 13-year-old son, Zane, who came home to be with us in March of this year, always says "thank you". Maybe he was taught that in HIS orphanage??

He's also very touchy-feely. Certainly with mom but even with me. In a good way, not bad. We'll be walking along outside and he'll take my hand. And he's constantly patting my back or shoulder.

Praying that Macy's transition continues to go smoothly.

Karin said...

I agree that it's probably a cultural thing about the lack of 'thank you's.' But still...I'm sure that would be frustrating. Thank goodness for laughter, huh?! Great idea to teach her to say simple things to you.

Does she read aloud to Lucy? Or maybe she and Lucy could have some conversations to get Macy used to speaking (without having to worry that she won't say it just right.) I've noticed that the Chinese try to hard to be perfect.

Adeye said...

I have to agree--it is probably a cultural thing. Their manners are just sooo different to ours. I mean, seriously, burping and farting are considered perfectly acceptable :) I'm not surprised 'thank you' is so far down on their list of what is proper :) If burping is a way of showing that the meal you just ate was fabulous--then just maybe it has a double meaning and means 'thank you' too. Actions DO speak louder than words, you know.

Okay, enough from sicko me!

Tiffany said...

Just for Nick - I personally thought the tatoo was fabulous! Can you tell I'm a youngest who still likes to stir up the pot every now & then?

Chris said...

You can tell Nick I was being thankful I don't have a teen girl reading my blog w/ me. He's just a bit young for me to comment. Tell him to lighten up! :^)

About Macy using simple English, maybe reading Lucy some of HER easy books...for Lucy's sake of course.

Shonni said...

I love reading about your journey with you new precious.
And your boys make me laugh and miss my Jace, who is living in Dallas now.

mom2-4boys said...

What great pictures of Macy and Lucy.

Don't worry I am not going to comment on the "guns" that would be kind of weird...;)

Brenden's lard toast well, yah that is really gross..

I have to say that your Macy story made me a little teary. I love it.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Cari said...

I'm soaking in all the updates on Macy! I think there are many 14 yo Americans that need to learn how to say "thank you" as well. You're doing a great job, Lori. I love reading how the Lord answered your prayer about this.

Now about Nick...hmmmm...high maintenance comes to my mind...or maybe drama!

Janet and Kevin said...


All of your kids are something! I really enjoy reading about each one of them! They make me chuckle!

Thanks for posting so honestly about your transition with Macy. I am sure it will help those families adopting older children who have much different issues than families adopting a younger child. Your stories are heartwarming as well as heartbreaking all at the same time about the transition.

Hugs from our home to yours,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and soon to have Eli!

Kim said...

I am so happy I found your blog-we are paperchasing for our second daughter from China- she is only two, but it lies so heavily on my heart to adopt an older child. You are doing such a great job with Macy! Love, Kim

Terry said...

Hi Lori,
I love following your journey! We adopted an older boy two years ago. I remember our social worker warning us though that oftentimes older internationally adopted kids will be almost silent for the first year as they gain confidence...then all of a sudden they will begin talking in complete sentences! Qing also had NO manners at all, but now is very considerate and polite. It all takes time...You are way ahead of where we were at that stage.

We are heading back to adopt another older boy soon this time from Luoyang!

deb said...

I have followed your blog for awhile now. I love reading it.. but I wanted to tell you that we adopted our daughter from Vietnam when she was 8(she's 20 now) and she NEVER EVER said thank you or I'm sorry.. BUT she does now.. not as much as our 2 bio boys(26 & 24) but she is much much better. She is such a BLESSING to our family.. I love reading about parents that adopt the older children.. thanks for sharing your family with us.

Anonymous said...

just want you to know I have lost a LOT of productivity at work reading your daily blog... my wife says I must have a mental crush on your wit, and words of wisdom of course.

thanks for doing this so diligently, and keep it up.

G Pops

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