Wednesday, October 14, 2009

building attachment


So many of you have asked about our little
electronic translator. Click HERE for more information
about it!
It works OK...meaning, the translation isn't always that
great. In fact sometimes it is downright off.
But we've learned to keep our words simple (and
not using adjectives helps, which is extremely difficult for me!).
For your Chinese child to use it, he/she really
needs to know Pinyin (Chinese words written in the English alphabet).
There is also an option for them to write
characters on the screen but we've found that Macy
gets frustrated with that (and she's actually very good at
her characters).
Your child will also need to know characters in
order to read the words that you put in.
Does that make sense??
If you have any more questions...send me an email.

I have heard from so many of you that our experience
is proving to be very helpful to you for your
own upcoming adoptions.
So I will continue to share with you the day-to-day
stuff...I sure hope that doesn't bore the majority
of you. :)

One thing I've briefly mentioned before and
simply can't emphasize enough is
the huge difference in an older child vs. a little one.
Some things are obvious (duh),
but what is always on the front of my brain is
how great it is when you have a little one that the
hour-by-hour opportunities that present themselves
to develop attachment (diaper changes, baths, feedings, etc.).
Those things are almost non-existent with older children,
especially a teen.
It is so vital to LOOK for and MAKE opportunities to
promote attachment.
It's so easy for us to let Macy sit on the computer,
talking to her friends (which is wonderful),
but she tends to get lost in it.
I feel so mean but I often make her get off because
I recognize that in those moments we really
need to be doing something to draw us together.
And honestly, sometimes I just don't feel like it... sometimes
I just want to get lost in something else myself.
But, time isn't on our side...
at age 13 (almost 14), we need to seize every moment.

We try to play a lot of games
and I also try to DO a lot for her. It's kinda
backwards since usually we try to get our teens to
learn to take care of themselves but I think it's really
important for Macy to see that we are here to nurture her.
So, even though she's super good about
cleaning up after herself (I certainly don't want her
becoming lazy!), I like to wait on her a lot...such as,
getting her a snack, drink...bringing her her translator, etc.
It's those little things that all add up after a while.
But again, you have to LOOK for those moments.

TONS of little steps will hopefully lead us to a strong
attachment.

Oh and I keep nagging her to let me TRIM her hair!
She needs it badly plus, golly gee...Mama's a hair stylist
and I want to do something slightly different
with her hair!
She's probably envisioning me giving her a
perm and highlights and is scared to death.
Poor girl.
But really, me doing her hair would
be such an attachment-builder!
:)



Also
(completely unrelated),
many of you have commented and emailed
about the dog issue.
Ahem,
Brenden has barely mentioned it since
our long-distance conversation.

And besides,
we already have two very-ignored dogs.

So, I don't see a Hondo in our near future.


8 comments:

Karin said...

Oh man...Macy is not wanting you to do her hair and I am DYING to have you do mine. :))) Even though I don't plan to do an older child adoption, I am not bored in the least, so keep telling us how it's going. I want to pray for you, and it helps to know how things are going.

Tony and Rett said...

And you know our story...heart is tugging...just praying God gets both my hubby's heart and mine tugging in the same direction at the same time!

NOT bored for a second!

Praying, friend!

Chris said...

Keep writing girl...I can see it would be very easy to let her happily chat away...is she talking w/ friends in China or some that have been adopted. the drawback is you can't monitor what she is chatting about.

Adeye said...

Every time I read your posts about how WELL Macy is doing, I cannot help but smile. It is just soooo amazing. God is giving you a VOICE for older child adoptions my friend. There is so much fear attached to the very thought of it--unfortunately. So many are ignorant and have no idea just what a blessing it can be.

Such a joy to be following along.

Debby said...

Oh Lorie...Bored reading about your group??? Never! Keep blogging away......I'm emjoying getting to know Macy.

Jean said...

If you already have 2 dogs I'm switchin sides- sorry Brenden! I was thinking you were dogless and really feelin sorry for the poor guy!


Attachment is different with an older child. Even with the difference between Sarah and Macy it is different. has Macy regressed in her behavior- such as playing with younger toys, wanting to be carried and has she shown any jealousy toward Lucy?

christy rose said...

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers Lori.

Michelle said...

Congratulations!! Just came over from NHBO and wanted to say Congrats!! We just brought home our 11-year old daughter three months ago. Happy Belated Birthday to your daughter!!

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