Sunday, July 31, 2011

It's been quite the eclectic weekend around here.
With K-man and Nick being gone,
I am doing my best just to avoid being hauled off to the funny farm
before they get back.

I have one night left, and I'm not totally convinced that I will make it.
I'll let you know.

But here's a brief (very) synopsis of what we've been doing...

Lucy calling her daddy because she missed him really, really bad....

That would be sidewalk chalk on her face.
I have opted not to bathe the children in my husband's absence
in order to shave off a few of my chores.
Just kidding.

We made a lot of Chinese food because around here,
it's only the Chinese people and me
who love it so much.
So we take advantage of the white people being gone.

(B was in and out, as usual)

Chicken fried rice.

Macy had her very first sleep-over at our house.
Her new friend Jamie came on Friday night
and we enjoyed her immensely!
She is 19 years old and was adopted just before she turned 14.
She is simply an amazing girl who overcame
a ton of obstacles.
I told her she needs to start a blog to tell her story
and she thought that was a good idea.
I'll sure let you know when that happens!

The girls had a blast.
And all my other kiddos had a fun time having her here too.

I found one of my hens secluded under my car.
I couldn't help but be jealous of her ability to successfully isolate
herself from the others.

I almost climbed under there to join her.

I plan to do that next time.

Friday, July 29, 2011

where do your kids rank?

Are you feeling annoyed by your kids?
Even resentful?

Be honest.

Do you have more "important" things to do than
placing them high on your priority list?

where do your kids rank with you?

Please go read
this blog post.
I promise you, your perspective will be freshened.

Go read it.

Do it.

my new greatest hit

I have been inspired to write a country music song.

If you promise not to steal it,
I will share it with you.

Well, I only have the title so far.

Here it is:

"I Borrowed From My Chicken Money to Pay the Babysitter."

I can already envision all of you line-dancing to it.

It's the real things of life that greatly inspire talented artists such as me, you know.

Out of desperation for a sitter yesterday,
to watch my littles while I took the older kids to
enroll at school,
I had to dip into my chicken empire cash to pay her.

I now have a grand total of $4, all in ones.
You probably figured that out.

It nearly killed me.

But I'm thinking that my new song will more than make
up for the lost funds.

I'll let you know when you can pre-order my new greatest hit.

Thank you for your support.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

big girls' night out

While Nick was in Florida yesterday,
playing a practice round preparing for his tournament
that begins today...

*He tees off at 9:30 this morning for his first round!*

Macy and I had big plans of our own.
We were generously given (by my parents) dinner-theater
tickets, which gave Macy and me a very, very, very, very
much needed big girls' night out.

Now listen.
I'm not a big person.
Some would even say I'm on the small side.
But I swear to you I feel like Serena Williams next to Macy.

We had an absolutely amazing dinner.
And dessert.
Neither of us will eat again until next Tuesday.

And here's a pic of us at the theater...

I just love this pic of me.
I used a complicated photography technique
and expensive camera lens,
that totally eliminates all unflattering features.
Email me if you want details on how it's done.

We had a really fun night.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a pack of savage coyotes

This will likely be the most least interesting blog post you will
read today.

So please, pretend to enjoy.

As K-man and Nick were lounging pool-side at their
luxurious golf resort,
I was outside in the dark fixin' to lock up my chickens,
only to be quite startled to find them roosting
outside their cozy little condo.

If you know anything about chickens, you certainly know that
they always head to bed when it starts getting dark,
find themselves a comfy spot and settle in for the night.
Without any help from human people.
Which is another reason I do love these creatures.
It takes very little effort on my part.

But there they were.

I freaked out.

Really, I did.
This was so unpredictable.

All I could imagine was that there was some sort
of savage beast in their home and they were too terrified to go in.
But obviously not too terrified to catch some shut-eye elsewhere.

I went back in the house to grab a flashlight.
I told Macy what was going on.
And she definitely sensed my trepidation about
exploring inside the coop.
So she told me she would go with me.
After all, what better security than a 4'11" 76 lb. Chinese girl
to protect you?
Yes, that's what I thought too.

Well, it would sure end this post with a bang if I told
you we bravely fought off a pack of coyotes...
but we didn't.

Nothing was there.

All I can figure is that my feathered friends wanted a change
of pace in the open air to slumber.

They're wacky that way.

The End.

See, I told you this would be uninteresting.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

sweeping it under the rug {good luck, nick!}

Right at this moment K-man and Nick are waiting
to catch a flight to Florida.
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.

Nick is playing in the
Optimist International Junior Golf Championship

at the

PGA National Resort and Spa.
**Please take a moment to click on the link so that I can have your full sympathy**

I will be holding the fort down at home.
Yes, that is what I will be doing.
I am doing that.

All feelings of resentment and bitterness will be
continuously swept under the proverbial rug, while simultaneously
sweeping the crumbs of real life
from my living room rug, continuously.

But don't you worry about me.

It just so happens that I got me some new rubber boots
that make caring for my chickens
a breeze.
Not a
Floridian breeze, but a breeze, no less.

Although I really should be wearing flip-flops on the beach.

Never mind.

Please excuse me, I have some sweeping to do.

Good Luck, Nicky!!!

Friday, July 22, 2011

it's hot {leaving one pantless}

It was hot today.

Horribly, disgustingly, and hottly hot.

Just take a look...

So much so that Brenden decided to rid himself of his pants.
In the car.

And once again, my heart skips a beat that this
child is heading away to college.
Without me to monitor his every move.

Lord, help me.

And everyone around him.

hen pecked {literally}

Are you tired of chicken posts?

I'm so sorry.

But this is the highlight of my boring life right now.

Perhaps you could oblige me by reading this to the end,
then you could kindly leave me a comment
with advice regarding my perimenopausal mood swings
and/or how to stop my 4 & 5 year olds from wetting their beds at night.

Wait...what were we talking about?

Chickens, yes...that's it.

Yesterday morning, bright and early, I received a phone call
from the post office saying my new hens
were there ready to be picked up.

Except that I totally forgot that they were coming and wasn't prepared.
Story of my life.

I grabbed everyone who was awake and we headed to town
to get our chickies.

Here they are...

They are all so healthy and strong.
I am pleased as punch
because we ordered from a new hatchery and I was a little

I know you were too.

Isaiah is fascinated with them.
He takes after me in that way.

And Lucy is always fascinated for about 3.5 minutes,
then she's over it.
Like everyone else in the house.

But isn't she cute.

But here's my latest crisis.
Mothering hens.
Very mothering.

When I go to gather eggs, there are always two or three hens who
sit and sit and sit on their eggs
(I know, I know...that's what they're supposed to do.
I did pass high school biology, you know).
But the truth is, some hens just don't care much and move on.
They're so rude in that way.
But these girls,
are...I guess you could say are, stay-at-home very sheltering moms.

And getting their something that I dread.
I told my dear husband and he said,

"Lori, if you're going to be Farmer Jane, you just have to reach
in there and get them. You have to do it."

He even took me down to the hen house and showed me how.

"Just grab loosely around their necks, then reach under them
to get the eggs. That's it."

Don't you just hate it when people grab your neck
when you're in labor?

Yes, so...I still haven't been able to do it.
But I will.
My heart is hardening and I will soon be able to steal
the pre-born chicks from innocent mother hens.

And load up my basket...

And looky looky!
K-man bought me my very own work gloves.
And even had them monogrammed.
(With his Sharpee).

All kinds of romance is in the air.

Have a great weekend.


Monday, July 18, 2011

dear mama... {the mother of all notes}

Over the years my boys have left me many notes
that have left me in laughter...and sometimes shrugging my shoulders.

For example....

"Gone for recess"
This was from our early years of homeschooling...
and apparently I left the room for two minutes
and they took off for a self-appointed recess.

"Wash Nick's shorts"

"Mom, we have gone to the brush pile. Love you, B"
There was a huge brush pile in the pasture,
about a half mile away from our house.
The boys got in big trouble one time for going up there
and not telling me. I searched for them high and low.
Needless to say, the second time they went,
they left a note.
They will make excellent husbands.
I guess.

"I have no idea what to do with this."
I have no idea what this note is about.
I think I may have even blogged about it a couple years
ago...but I can't remember.
Still, it's funny.
And cute.

**All these notes are hanging inside one of my cabinet
doors in the kitchen. I see them every single day. And smile.

BUT...the mother of all notes appeared on my counter
sometime over night last night.

And since you can't read it in the picture...
(you wouldn't be able to read it even if you had it right in front of you)
**I'm filled with regret that I didn't push good penmanship**
I will read it to you.

"Dear Mama,
I found this sleeping bag.
Don't ask where, when, or how.
Don't tell me to throw it away either!
Cause I love it.
Please wash it so I don't get infected with
lice, Hep A, B, or C or even herpes.
Please do this for your hard working boy.
P.S. I wish I had an "I" in my name because I would have dotted
it with a smiley face or a heart ...or maybe both if I had two..."

Seriously, this child is heading to college in one month.
By himself.
How in the world will he survive unscathed?
Without his mommy?

Well, for your peace of mind (and mine), I did ask him
where he got this thing...and he said it was in the parking lot at work.
(Dairy Queen)
I'm not sure what to make of that.

I am a good mom because I washed it, just as he requested.
How could I not?

Now where's my reward?

I heart notes from my kids.

They make me smile.

Sunday, July 17, 2011


I stepped out of the house for two minutes today
and came back to find this...

And of course my first thought was that
my little ball of orneriness would try to climb this thing
by himself after the thrill of this stunt.
And sure enough...a little while later, he did.
Try to, that is.
I got onto him pretty good.
Why is it that dads do crazy-fun things with their kids,
only to leave mom to be the bad guy
to put an end to it all?

Then Lucy insisted on her turn...
I'm not so worried about her though.
She's rather cautious.
Crazy and controlling, but cautious.

All the while,
the bigger kiddos were playing a mean game of Uno.

They had fun.
Really, they did.

Not as much fun as being perched atop a baker's rack, but fun.

And that's the extent of my news for you.
Yes, it's that exciting around here.

I hope you all have a fabulous week.

Be blessed, and be a blessing!!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

disturbing story

I have a disturbing story that I must tell.

It's disturbing beyond measure.

So stop reading right now if you don't want to read about
something quite horribly disturbing.

*Can you tell I've been reading Lemony Snicket?

This morning I went out to take care of my chickens.

Fed them.
Watered them.
Gathered eggs.

I came inside and put the eggs away in the refrigerator,
then got distracted doing something else.

Just a few minutes later I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
As I was flossing,
I was astonished at the smell of my breath.
Never had I ever noticed my own bad breath before.
It was, for lack of better words, rather crappy smelling.
I was horrified.

So I went to throw away my floss and alarmingly noticed....
chicken poop on my fingers.

Oh yes.

That happened.
To me.

So I am now bonded even closer to my feathery flock.

But thank goodness it wasn't really my breath.

*And for the record, I normally DO wash my hands
immediately after taking care of them.
And after that incident, you can bet your bright yellow egg yolks I
will never forget again.

Friday, July 15, 2011

an empire {the zucchini needs to be appreciated}

I started praying last week that God would be
creative in his provision for our family.

Our budget is t-i-g-h-t and adjusting to two more kids,
makes it tough.

So of course I would love to expectantly go to the mail box
to find an unexpected big-fat check.

God is certainly capable of doing that!

here are a few ways God has creatively provided recently:

*Fresh zucchini and cucumbers from my in-laws' garden.
*Fresh pineapple from my mom's Midwest garden (haha, not really).
*Fresh sweet corn from my friend Angela's grandma's crop.
*A plethora of eggs from my hen crop (more on that later).
*New clothes/shoes my mom bought the kids.

Now listen,
I do realize that probably ALL of you are getting these types of things.
It's summer...and that's just what happens.
People share their abundance with others.

True enough.
But I guess in the past I just counted it as me lightening someone
load and doing them a favor to take their extras off their

But this time, after having prayed for God's creative provision,
I completely saw it as PROVISION.

Each item of food provided wonderfully delicious and nutritious side dishes
for several dinners for my family.

I figure if God wants us to care for the small things,
in order for Him to give us bigger things,
the zucchini needs to be appreciated.


So as for my eggs.

Oh, what is God up to?

As you may recall, when Kelly was in China, I took over the
chicken care.

I had never really done it before.
It was icky to me and was HIS job, so I always avoided it.

But when he was gone, I found myself...loving it.
I would go out multiple times a day to
look in on my feathered friends.

I even talked to them.

Well...nothing has really changed.
I still do all that.
I go out multiple times a day to gather eggs, give fresh water,
and for one-sided chats.
Which is really refreshing compared to what goes on
inside the people house.

So suddenly my eyes were opened to the fact my eggs were stock-piling.
I needed to do something because...
God was creatively providing.
Then He dropped the idea into my head to call the
little country farm market where we buy our feed to see if they
wanted to buy my eggs to resell.
So I did.
Sure enough, they were eager to buy them.
I hopped on my horse and buggy and took them five dozen eggs.
I got store credit to put towards our feed.
It was dejevou
(I have no idea how to spell that and neither does my spell-check. Dang French).
I felt like I was reliving an episode of Little House on the Prairie.
But Nellie Olson was nowhere to be found.
Thank goodness.

You guys, I was reeling with delight.

Delight, I tell you.

I couldn't believe that I had done such a Proverbs 31-type thing.

When I got home I told Brenden all about it.
Hoping he wouldn't make fun of me.
He said,
"Mom, you've just started an empire."

Don't you know it!

So guess what else I did?

I ordered 15 pullets last night.
Oh, yes I did.

*That's female chicks for you civilians*

I also made an "Eggs For Sale" poster to hang on our church bulletin board.
Oh, yes I did.
Nothing can stop me now.

*Insert evil greedy laughter*

An empire?

Creative provision.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

my toothless wonder

Well, happy day.

Lucy-bug lost her first tooth.

My oh my.

To me there is absolutely nothing cuter than a little kid,
sans a tooth or two or four.

Well, I suppose it's equally as cute when they first get
those little toothers.

And Lucy losing her first, makes me so very sad
that she wasn't here for me to see that very same tooth pop through
when she was a wee little drama queen.


Well anyway, when it first started to wiggle I mentioned to
her about the tooth fairy.

Hope for the future.
Abundant prosperity.

All filled her eyes as I told her of this glorious tradition.

But a little part of me feared that it would also set her mind reeling
on the fact that someone unknown would actually
be entering her bedroom
and feel around under her pillow for a lost body part.

It's so creepy when it's all spelled out, isn't it?

So, I was a bit guarded about how much to dwell on this
fun pretend reward.

We put her tooth safely in a little cup hidden in a corner of the kitchen.
It sat there all day.
I know, because I kept checking on it.

But when bedtime rolled was gone, the little dish and all.
Just gone.

I can only imagine that one of the big kids saw the dish,
grabbed some ranch dressing and started
dunking their snack of choice into it,
unbeknownst to them that a tiny Lucy tooth rested at the bottom.

Who knows.

But we had to improvise, and we had to do it quick.

I told Lucy that it was perfectly acceptable under such circumstances
to write the tooth fairy a note.

So she did...

Then came time to put the note under her pillow...
and she panicked.
No way no how was she willing to do it.

So again, my improvisation skills kicked in and I told
her that it was perfectly acceptable in these circumstances to put
the perfectly acceptable note in lieu of the tooth,
under a pillow in the living room.


She found that to be a marvelous solution.

Sure enough, morning came and she checked under the pillow.

A dollar had gloriously appeared.

A dollar.

"Only a dollar?"
Says my toothless wonder.


Yes, dollar for one tooth.

So then she proceeds to ask me how the tooth fairy got into the house.
I was cornered.
I sat there trying to work up an acceptable lie, but none exist.

So I told her....that it was all pretend.
For fun.

And that was that.

She smiled and said, "Oh...okay!"

And was happy with that.

And her one dollar.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

impromptu date, plastic tubs, and family fun

Saturday for lunch I made quiche.

I tell you this for reasons I don't understand.

But I thought she turned out beautiful and decided to take a pic.
AND I wanted to give my hens, who have been majorly
productive since our little talk, a shout-out
for the fine job they are doing.

The kids LOVED it.
*Spinach, bacon, ham, mushrooms, and cheese*
In case you were wondering.

Saturday night ended in an impromptu make-shift date.
my dear husband ran to McD's right after the kids went to
bed and got us burgers and fries to eat in bed while we watched
an episode of House.

It was disgustingly glorious.

But it was fun. I highly recommend that you all
have such dates as well.

Sunday afternoon was hot.
To the extreme.
But because I simply can't stand to have kids just hanging
around inside...
I try my bestest to be creative with things to do outside.
They will tell you that I'm not creative at all, and I suppose that really
is the truth.
But this is my blog, so I will lead you to believe that I am
one of those fantastically fun moms, loaded with rabbit-out-of-a-hat ideas
that wow my kids daily.

So my hat trick de jour was this...

Oh the innocence of little children.
They have no idea how extremely pitiful it is that they
are actually playing with a plastic tub full of water.

But boy oh boy, did they ever have fun.

Eli was near-by scootering around.

The littles even enjoyed the puddle in the drive-way.
They had THE best time.

Then I really wowed them when I brought out a second tub.
And popsickles.
Family Fun Magazine will be contacting me soon to
write feature articles for them, I'm sure.

And yes, we do have a pool in the back yard.

This is the big kids' version of plastic tubs.

They had an absolute blast too.

Don't worry.
The little kiddos weren't deprived the real-deal swimming experience.
They got in and had a great time too.

So there you go.
Feel free to steal any of my kid-entertaining ideas.

I will continue to arm you with ways to make your children
brag on you to their friends.

That is my vow to you.

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